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December 21, 2012:
The Great Intuition
Steps to Prepare for and
Survive the Apocalypse
Mayan Calendar Doomsday Predictions: How We
Know the End of the World is December 21, 2012
Mayans believed that the gods had failed three times in
the making of the world. In their fourth effort, they added man, and it is
under this fourth sun that we all currently live. But even this era is
plagued with problems, like war, corruption, and genital warts, and it must come
to an end. The Mayan Long Count Calendar predicts this doomsday event.
The Mayans believed that the previous world
lasted exactly 13 b'ak'tuns, or about 5125 years. When it ended,
the zero date for the new world was set, a date which would correspond
to approximately August 11, 3114 BC on the Gregorian calendar.
Add 22.214.171.124.0 to that date, and you get the date when the fourth
world, our world, will end: December 21, 2012.
By the way, isn't it funny that we naturally
consider 13 an unlucky number? In my own life, for example, the number 13 has
bleak associations. I was 13 years old when I was first rejected
by a girl. Mindy Kern. She was homely. She looked a
little bit like Tom Selleck, who, granted, is a handsome man, but it
doesn't translate if you supplant his head onto the body of a 13-year-old girl. Nonetheless, when I asked her to the school dance, she
just stared at me and said "cranberries." I also lived on the
13th floor of an apartment tower when my dad was murdered by his
bookie for unpaid gambling debts. At least that's the story my
mother told. I've always suspected that he actually collapsed
head first into the toilet, high on paint thinner, and drowned.
We all have similar stories.
The Mayan Vase of Seven Gods (above, left) found
at the Tortuguero monument connects the end of the 13th b'ak'tun with
the appearance of Bolon Yokte' K'uh. The exact translation of
his name is unknown, but he appears in inscriptions from Palenque,
Usumacinta, and La Mar as a god of war, conflict, and the underworld.
He is the doomsday reaper. And the Mayan calendar predicts that
he is coming December 21, 2012.
When I first read this on
I naturally freaked out pretty hard and started drinking at an
alarming rate. I was five bottles into a "six-pack" of Olde
English when I remembered that Olde English comes in 40s, and it was
shortly thereafter that I blacked out. When I came to, however,
something amazing had happened. During my lapse in
consciousness, I had discovered the true meaning of the
calendar's doomsday prophecies...